Monday, 20 May 2013

West Side Story

Somewhere in a hotel on the French / Italian border, Team Sky back room staff are having an emergency pre- Tour de France strategy meeting.  

David: (Spoken) Come July, against the Shark we’re gonna need every man we got.

Rod: (Spoken) Chris don't belong any more.

David: (Spoken) Cut it, Rod, Chris’s been with the Skys since the start.

Rod: Well, he acts like he don't wanna belong.

Shane : Who wouldn't wanna belong to the Skys!

Steve: Yeah, don’t forget last year when we clobbered the Limes!

Shane: Which we couldn't have done without Chris.

David: Right! He's always come through for us and he will now.

When you're a Sky,
You're a Sky all the way
From your first protein shake
To your last dyin' day.

When you're a Sky,
If the spit hits the fan,
You got brothers around,
You're a family man!

You're never alone,
You're never disconnected!
You're home with your own:
When company's expected,
You're well protected (especially in the mountains)!

Then you are set
With a capital S,
Which you'll never forget
Till they scrape up the mess.
When you're a Sky,
You stay a Sky!

(spoken) I know Chris like I know me. I guarantee you can count him in.

Rod: In, out, let's get crackin'.

Shane: Where you gonna find Vincenzo?

David: At dinner tonight at the hotel.

Shane: But the hotel's neutral territory!

David: (innocently) I'm gonna make nice there! I'm only gonna challenge him.

Rod: Great, Daddy-O!

David: So everybody Rapha up, sweet and sharp.

ALL (sing)
Oh, when the Skys fall in at the hotel restaurant,
We'll be the sharpest dressed gang in France!
And when the chicks dig us in our Jet black threads,
They're gonna flip, gonna flop, gonna wilt like plants!

David: (Spoken) Hey. Cool. Easy. Sweet. Meet at the bar at ten. And walk tall!

Steve: We always walk tall!

Shane: We're Skys!

Steve: The greatest!

Steve and Shane (sing)
When you're a Sky,
You're the top cat in town,
With the gold medal kid
And the heavyweight crown!

When you're a Sky,
You're the swingin'est thing:
Little boy, you're a man;
Little man, you're a king!

Come July, come the Skys
Like bats out of hell.
Someone gets in our way,
Someone don't feel so well!

Shane: (Spoken) Ha ha, yeah! Like that Canadian!

Rod: Shut up Shane! That backfired!

ALL (Sing)
Here come the Skys:
Little world, step aside!
Better go underground,
Better run, better hide!

We're drawin' the line,
So keep your noses hidden!
We're hangin' a sign,
Says "Visitors forbidden"
And we ain't kiddin'!

Here come the Skys,
Yeah! And we're gonna beat
Every last vuggin' gang
On the whole vuggin' street!
On the whole!

With sincere apologies to Stephen Sondheim and Leonard Bernstein.  Please find original material at

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