In a (very) early blog post, I made the shocking confession that I frequently struggle when watching pro cycling to tell the teams apart based solely on the PE Kits of the riders alone (feel free to immerse yourself in my stupidity here). And as it's finally January, it's officially time for the new kit reveal! Read on, to discover who I'll be confusing for who in 2013.
What follows is completely devoid of fact, structured argument, or indeed any sensible statement whatsoever.
Ah Jay Duhs Air
No change from last year's kit (that I can see, anyway). I've actually never had a problem with this one. I'll accept that poo-brown shorts aren't everyone's cup of tea, but I don't actually think they look that bad on pro bottoms. How the hell they'd look on an amateur bottom is however another story. Luckily, we'll probably never know.
Argos Shimano
Thank god they're no longer team ITV4. The jersey, hopefully unlike the team, is utterly mired in mediocrity. I've forgotten what it looks like already. Oh, there it is. No, it's gone again. 2013 update is due mid-jan, expect it'll be blooming identical as it was subject to a mid-season sponsor-related update in 2012.
Astana
What can you say about grown men in head-to-toe turquoise with lemon accents? I have once, with my actual EYES, seen a fella in full replica Astana get-up (including the legwarmers ffs) inhaling a caramel slice at a cafe stop on a grim Sunday near Stockport. I swear on my mother I am not shitting you. Frankly, I was shocked that this sort of thing is even allowed. But, with suitably grim fascination, I'm looking forward to seeing if the pearlised Time-Trial skinsuits survived to 2013.
Blanco
Utterly fabulous from the back - love the colour-blocking dahlings. Loses points for the blue and black and white - quelle surprise. But the front! Plunged down in my estimation by the addition of the team name in an astonishingly shit typeface. Seriously, only a slightly peeling iron-on transfer in Comic Sans could have looked less pro.
Most likely to be seen crossing the line in fifth.
BMCWinner winner chicken dinner. Don't change a fit team kit, and they haven't. I've always liked this, I can actually tell them apart from the other boys, and I particularly like the time trial get-up, cos the helmets make them look like Spaceballs.
Most likely to be a loss leader.
Cannondale
Official release is mid-Jan (what is it with these mid-Jan jerseys? We demand answers, goddam it!) Lime expected to feature heavily. There is talk of stripes.
Most likely to be the one you forget. As in 10 minutes racking your brain cos you've only got 17 out of the 18 teams and are trying not to write about the Katusha jersey.
Most likely to be the one you forget. As in 10 minutes racking your brain cos you've only got 17 out of the 18 teams and are trying not to write about the Katusha jersey.
Euskaltel
CARROTS! In nature, animals signify they are highly dangerous with displays of bright colours. These dudes are Orange for a reason. Get down! If you look carefully, the 2013 kit actually comes pre-bloodied on the left arm and buttock, presumably to save time.
FDJ- Bigmat
White, eh? Tbh if you're going to wear head-to-toe white lycra for a living, you could do a lot worse.
Garmin
Gar-meh. No changes, which means I will still think they're Quicksteppers or last years Sky.
Lampre
'Oh my God, have you seen the bikes!? It's a girls bike!' - The cyclist.
Still predominantly pink (hot). The addition of the flashes of green for 2013 has done no-one any favours, except presumably Pettachi, who one can only assume insisted on it to bring out his eyes.
Lotto Belisol
New yellow sleeve. I think it's alright - a far better display of some additional yellow than the god-awful Saxo offering. The cyclist took one look and exclaimed 'Pah! It's got a Cyclocross shoulder!', which I don't think was meant to be flattering.
Movistar
Pretty suave, as it goes. No discernible change from last year's look. With the addition of Essex's finest, now officially the 'Reemest' strip in the peloton. Tan-tastic!
Omega-Pharma Quickstep
Most likely to be seen winning the shit out of everything. Everything.
Orica Greenedge
Favourite jersey of 2012. Green n' blue n' sexy fades. Loves it. Also, I have endless goodwill extended to these boys for a) being predominantly Aussie and b) 3 YouTube minutes of glory and wonder. Call me, baby!
Most likely to be seen upsetting in the Classics.
Radioshack
Due for release mid-Jan. Yeah, whevs, it's totally going to be the least car-crash aspect of 2013 for this lot.
Most likely to be under a cloud and in the headlines for all the wrong reasons.
Saxo-Tinkoff
It really is just a bit of a mess, isn't it? Blue and yellow could look really good, it just doesn't here. Or on the Vaconsoleil kit either. And what's with the half arsed lightening strike on the reverse?
Sky
Baddest, most winningest team (biased) + designer clothing brand hook up = most eagerly anticipated 2013 strip in the peloton. Hell, there were even internetz rumours Sir Paul Smith was in on the design, and we Could. Not. Wait. And here it is. Phone it in, did we Rapha? "... yeah, yeah, black ..... yeah, stick a stripe on the arm .....". Except it's probably not black, it's 'Moonless Tuesday in Wyoming', or 'Squid Ink Risotto' or some such (plus I expect it's massively 'technical'). Bang 'em out, £200 a pop, sell 'em til the cows come home. So utterly devastatingly disappointing I bit the inside of my own cheek when I saw it. Still my boys though. Still my boys.
Vaconsoleil
Actually manages to make the shorts and jersey look like they're from completely separate kits, despite them being in the same colours and livery. Bloody awful. And is that a stylised pineapple ring?
Most likely to be seen in the breakaway or attacking in the feed zone.
In a cruel twist of fate, somehow when putting this blog post together I managed to install the picture of the 2012 Argos-Shimano jersey as my desktop background image. Still can't remember what it looks like, mind.
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UPDATE 4/1/13
Bloody Rapha. Took me ages coming up with that bit, and then the very next day they go and release this http://teamsky-2013-mallorca.rapha.cc/ basically just to make me look a fool. I've got to be honest, the full team kit looks pretty darn special. Fact that it's on Bernie and Peter isn't exactly hurting, either. From what I can gather the price points are extremely reasonable, and the detailing is lush. Well played, Rapha. Well played.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------In a cruel twist of fate, somehow when putting this blog post together I managed to install the picture of the 2012 Argos-Shimano jersey as my desktop background image. Still can't remember what it looks like, mind.
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UPDATE 4/1/13
Bloody Rapha. Took me ages coming up with that bit, and then the very next day they go and release this http://teamsky-2013-mallorca.rapha.cc/ basically just to make me look a fool. I've got to be honest, the full team kit looks pretty darn special. Fact that it's on Bernie and Peter isn't exactly hurting, either. From what I can gather the price points are extremely reasonable, and the detailing is lush. Well played, Rapha. Well played.
Sources - these sites did the hard work, I just brought the sarcasm.
http://tourdejose.com/team-kits-2013/
http://sicycle.wordpress.com/2012/12/13/2013-cycling-jerseys/
Picture Credits:
AG2R - Tour de José via Biciclismo
Argos -Shimano - Tour de José
Astana - Tour de José
Blanco - Tour de José via Erik Dekker, Ad Pertijs and Mathieu Heiboer
BMC - Tour de José via BMC Pro Team
Euskaltel - Tour de José via Biciclismo (@biciciclismoweb)
FDJ-Bigmat - Tour de José
Garmin-Sharp - Tour de José via @spaziociclismo
Lampre - Tour de José via @cobblesandhills
Lotto-Belisol - Tour de José
Movistar - Tour de José
Omega-Pharma Quickstep - Tour de José
Orica-Greenedge - Tour de José
Saxobank-Tinkoff - Tour de José via Sportful
Sky - Tour de José via Facebook
Vaconsoleil - Tour de José via CyclingNews
Bex you might want to get your teeth stuck into the new Adidas/British Cycling kit. If nothing else, the Union flag is upside down #epicfail
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cyclingweekly.co.uk/news/latest/536261/new-british-cycling-kit-officially-unveiled.html